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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601436">Bloodstream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetsetPrincess/pseuds/JetsetPrincess'>JetsetPrincess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:02:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetsetPrincess/pseuds/JetsetPrincess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione's returning to Hogwarts to finish her final year without Harry and Ron. Everyone around her seems to be moving on from the war so easily while the trauma of the past few years continue to torment her mind. How will she find a way to move on without her closest friends to help her? The answer has been found in a few vials kept locked in her trunk but the last person on earth she'd ever want knowing anything about her discovers her new habit. He's tall, blonde, and completely under her skin. Potions aren't the only thing seeping into her bloodstream.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Beams of sunlight shine through the large stain glass windows as I walk through the corridors headed to the Great Hall. Harry and Ron walk in front of me talking about the next Quidditch match against Hufflepuff. As we turn a corner and walk into the next corridor my eyes immediately move to a huge whole in the wall that has clearly been blown away. I realize my feet haven’t kept me moving forward, too consumed by the sight in front of me. Harry and Ron are now a few paces ahead without a second glance at the damage. I move quickly to catch up with them. We take another turn and begin descending the Grand Staircase. Picture frames covering the walls remain still and more eerily, empty. Sections of the handrails and banisters have been destroyed and yet all around me students continue on as though nothing is amiss.</p><p>As we turn to take another set of stairs down I’m stopped completely in my tracks. Lying halfway down the staircase is a body. I close my eyes to try and will the image away but when I open them again all I see is his last laugh permanently etched on his face. A sob rakes it way unwillingly out of my mouth. I force my eyes forward and see Harry and Ron are now entering the Great Hall still chatting away. I break into a run to catch up with them. Rubble and bodies cover the Entrance Hall but I don’t allow myself to stop and look. I must keep moving.</p><p>I turn into the Great Hall ready to see my friends finding a seat at the long dining tables, chatting and laughing. What I didn’t expect to see was rows and rows of bodies. Each house table had been replaced with a row bodies all dressed in their respective houses robes. I don’t even realize I’ve started walking through the hall. All I see are the faces of my former schoolmates and friends. Colin Creevey, Lavender Brown, Fred Weasley all lay in their Gryffindor robes. On the other side of the room I see Crabbe’s body lying with other Slytherins. I turn and I see Cedric Diggory. It’s all too much. I turn again begging for help, hoping to find someone to help me at the staff table but it’s disappeared too. In its stead lay Professor Burbage, Snape, Mad-Eye Moody, Lupin, and Professor Dumbledore. I feel the world around me spinning, collapsing. If I didn’t know better I’d think I’d began to apparate. Tears stream down my face and then all at once I’m screaming at the top of my lungs.</p><p>I wake to my own screams muffled by the pillows. Taking in a ragged breath I look around and begin to piece together my surroundings. The sun has just begun to peak through the windows of my room in the Leaky Cauldron. Realization dawns on me that it’s September first and in a few hours I’ll be boarding the train on my way back to Hogwarts to finish my seventh year. In a few hours I’ll have to walk down those same halls that have been plaguing my dreams for months now.</p><p>Pushing the images of the nightmare out of mind, I slowly get up and start getting ready. I walk into the bathroom to turn on the shower and start to undress. My eyes glance over my reflection and take in the ugly black bags under my eyes and concerning thin figure. Sleep and an appetite were one of the small casualties lost in the war. <em>Better put on a decent amount of makeup today, </em>I think to myself<em>.</em> Even still, the physical transformation was nothing compared to what had changed within.</p><p>Stepping under the steaming water loosens my tense muscles. I try and imagine the water washing away the fear and anxiety of what today will hold. I scrub harshly with a washcloth down my body as if cleanliness will make me new again. My mind is still foggy but not enough that I forget to easy my strokes on one particular spot. Even the lightest brushes send a small shock through my body.</p><p>By the time I step out of the shower the sun is already shining down all of muggle London. I stand in my towel looking out through the window and feel a tinge of sadness to be leaving today. The past week I’ve stayed at the Leaky Cauldron but wandered around all of muggle London. Out there no one knows who I am or of the dangers everyone was in just a few months before. For them its just life. <em>I guess that’s all it is for me now too. </em>No more horcruxes to hunt or wars to fight. Now it was just going back to school and trying to find a way to keep going.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Kings Cross is packed as usual on September first. I push my trolley along the platform with only my trunk and Crookshanks in his cage. Even though summer break was coming to a close it was still extremely hot out. I’d put on a light floral skirt but even the heat wouldn’t stop me from pairing it with a white long sleeve top. I’ve resigned to the fact that I’ll always wear long sleeves from now on. My ballet flats slip a little with each step from sweat but I keep moving along the platform, weaving my way through the crowd. Without a second glance I walk through the barrier and emerge at platform 9 ¾. I search the sea of faces looking for anyone with flaming red hair. A few meters away I spot a pair of them. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny are hugging while Harry stands to the side allowing the women a moment of goodbye continuously being approached by schoolmates making their way to the train.</p><p>“Harry I didn’t know you were coming. I thought I might not see you before I left,” I say as I give him a tight quick hug.</p><p>“Wanted to see you both off. Figured I might as well since I haven’t really got much else to do,” he says with a small laugh. He looks good. Better than I’ve seen him in over a year. He no longer has the overwhelming look of worry etched on his face and he’s definitely gained a few pounds after spending the summer with the Weasleys.</p><p>“There’s still time to change your mind. I’m sure McGonagall would be happy to make an exception.” It’s fruitless and I know it but I can’t help letting it slip out anyway. I don’t want to be alone.</p><p>“No I made up my mind a while ago. Just doesn’t feel like I have anything left to do at Hogwarts. If I went back now I’d just be putting off the future for another year.” A soft smile plays on his lips but I see a little bit of uncertainty behind his eyes. I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the masked panic in mine that only best friends can see.</p><p>When Harry told me at the end July that he wouldn’t be returning I’d been shocked and scolded him about how important finishing our education was. I thought for sure he’d jump at the chance to return to Hogwarts, knowing that it was the first and only place he’d ever really called home. But after a long discussion and a few butterbeers it became clear that his mind was set which meant there was no changing it.</p><p>“What do you think you’ll do? Has Kingsley mentioned anything else about the Auror position?”</p><p>“He said it was mine if I wanted it but I’m not ready to decide anything yet. I just want a little more time to not feel responsible for anything.” The smile that graced his face now so light and carefree I felt a small pang of envy. <em>Relief. Why can’t I feel that? </em></p><p>Harry turned to look over at Ginny and Mrs. Weasley and let a little bit of sadness take over his smile. The pair was hugging once more with tears brimming in Molly’s eyes while Ginny’s were attempting to roll behind her head.</p><p>“Wish I didn’t have to say goodbye to her. Least Ron will be around.” It came out quickly and with a flush Harry turned to my face to make sure I wasn’t going to have my own breakdown however it didn’t come.</p><p>“Its ok Harry. We’re fine. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t join the three of you.” The words escaped my mouth without even knowing if I believed them. <em>Were we fine? </em></p><p>“He wanted to. Got tied up at the shop. Something about leaking permanent quills.”</p><p>Harry’s deference from school was one I’d struggled with but Ron’s was something even I couldn’t argue against. A few weeks ago we’d all been up in Ron’s room at the Burrow and he’d told us his plans to stay and help George with the joke shop. He’d stepped in to help shortly after the war and had spent almost all summer staying in Diagon Alley. I’m not sure if the shop itself really needed that much help or if it was George that needed someone but either way it was the right decision. This had spawned another conversation all together for just Ron and myself.</p><p>When the summer had first started we’d leaned on each other so much to try and heal from the wounds the past year had left on both of us. We’d gone and spent a week with Bill and Fleur at Shell Cottage. We’d spend hours walking up and down the beach in silence only listening to the waves crash on the shore both of us absorbed in our own thoughts. Ron began the slow process of grieving and accepting the loss of a brother. And I tried to piece myself together again. Neither of us pushed our feelings with the other. It was almost like an unspoken agreement to try and work ourselves out before we even began to think about a relationship. Shortly after that week I left for Australia to find my parents and try and reverse the obliviation I’d put them through.</p><p>By the time I’d returned it’d been almost three months since the battle at Hogwarts. Harry had taken up residence with the Weasleys and spent almost all of his time with Ginny. Ron and George were adjusted to working together and both seemed to be enjoying the others company. Bill and Fleur had even announced they were expecting their first child. Everyone seemed to be moving on and learning to be happy again and I was still struggling to grasp the fact that I didn’t need to fight anymore.</p><p>With Ron deciding to stay and my impending departure back to school it seemed we’d run out of time to push aside the subject of our relationship. It’d been awkward and hard but we both knew neither of our hearts was in it. Ron had tried to explain that he needed to focus on his family and himself but he still cared for me and didn’t want to throw away any shot of a relationship. I could tell he meant it for the most part but when I broke down and explained how I was still struggling and didn’t think I’d have anything to offer him I swear for a second I saw relief in his eyes. He’d held me for what felt like hours that night while I cried about everything we had lost. Everything I still struggled to get back. I fell asleep that night crying in his arms but when I woke up I was back in the cot set up in Ginny’s room. I’d packed and left for Diagon Alley that morning.</p><p>“Hermione! Darling do you have all your things?” Mrs. Weasley’s voice pulled me back from my thoughts. Turning towards her I searched her eyes to see if there was any contempt in them assuming she’d heard about the dissipated romance between her youngest son and I.</p><p>“Yes I think so,” I say shakily. She pulls me into a tight hug and I feel myself relax a little in her arms.</p><p>“Don’t fret. You’ll always be family dearie.” She says it at a whisper and a gentleness that only a mother can master. I feel tears forming in my eyes but force them at bay. My arms tighten around her to communicate my thanks, fearing that words will fail me. We pull away but as I look at her I see the same affection she’s always given me.</p><p>“I’ll expect you to come for Christmas. I won’t hear any objections,” she says it with a smile but I know her well enough to not argue. The sound of the trains whistle makes us all turn and see it’ll be departing in 5 minutes. We all move to get both Ginny and I’s luggage stowed. Once they’re put away we walk back down to give a final goodbye. Harry and Ginny don’t hold back in showing their feelings about being separated for a few months as they have a good snog. Once they’ve disentangled from each other I give both Harry and Mrs. Weasley a final hug. With a wave I turn to follow Ginny up the steps and find seats.</p><p>“Hermione!”</p><p>I turn and see Ron rushing his way through the crowd, face flush and covered in ink. I quickly rush to meet him and halt just before pulling him into a hug. <em>Can we still hug or is that too intimate now? </em>Not really knowing what else to do I pull out my wand and point it at Ron’s chest.</p><p>“<em>Tergeo.” </em>The ink stains fade a little but still remain covering his dress shirt.</p><p>“Its permanent ink. Might just have to throw it out,” Ron says while looking down glumly at the stain.</p><p>“Right. Sorry.”</p><p>I’m at a loss for words. When he hadn’t shown I’d been a little disappointed but figured it might be a lot easier not having to see him and say goodbye. Now here we are awkwardly staring at each other with no idea what to say.</p><p>“Sorry I’m so late. Got caught up but I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.” His eyes bore into mine as if they’re searching for something.</p><p>“I’m glad you did. It’s not going to be the same without either of you there.”</p><p>Another few seconds of silence between us then the train gives another whistle.</p><p>“I’d better go before it leaves without me,” I say with a glance behind me. Smoke billows out of the smoke stack and I know it’s only a minute now till it departs. My eyes go back to Ron. The sadness on his face gives my stomach a plummet. Before I overthink it I give him a quick hug and whisper, “You’ll write me, yeah?”</p><p>I pull back to see a short nod before I turn and rush to the steps of the train. I’ve just gotten onto the first step when I feel a hand on my arm.</p><p>“Hermione, I don’t want us to leave things the way they are now. I’ve been thinking about it and I still think we have a shot at something here.”</p><p>We’re at eye level now and looking at him I feel torn. The feelings I’ve had for years about Ron aren’t gone. Not completely anyway. I still look at him and feel myself being pulled in. With him it’s always been comfortable because we know each other so well. I feel my resolve slipping. His hands reach for my own and I let him bring them to his chest. His blue eyes search mine again, hoping to find the same wanting that are in his. I open my mouth to respond but come up empty.</p><p>“Just think about it, yeah?” And now I’m the one giving a short nod. With a little bit of hesitation he leans in and presses his lips to my cheek, it’s gentle and sweet. I smell his cologne and breathe it in deeply. He lingers for a second before pulling away. Before I have any time to react the train moves with a jerk and we start pulling out of the station. Mrs. Weasley and Harry who’ve been standing by and observing our whole interaction walk up to join Ron and give a wave. I feebly give one back before turning to go join Ginny in a compartment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I find Ginny in a compartment with Luna and Neville discussing how their summers were.</p><p>“Oh Neville I didn’t know you were coming back this year. I figured since you were at school all last term you must’ve finished,” I realize after I’ve said it that it might’ve been rude. Neville really is a good wizard but he’s always struggled in school. Perhaps he didn’t get good enough marks to finish out his final year in May. I take a seat beside Ginny as she looks out at muggle London through the window.</p><p>“I did finish most of my subjects. Everyone returning this year has to retake Defense Against the Dark Arts since the Carrows never really taught anyone how to defend dark arts just use it. But other than that I’ll be mainly helping Professor Sprout. She wrote me earlier in the summer asking if I’d be willing to come back this year and help her grow back all the plants. We used up a lot of them in the battle and a lot were destroyed. Seems like we’ll have our hands full getting the greenhouses back in order.” I realize this is the most Neville has ever spoken all at once. The pride at being asked by a professor to help with a special job is evident. He even seems to be sitting taller. Clearly the war had made others come out better than ever. At least that seemed to be the case for him.</p><p>“That’s wonderful, Neville. You should plant some dirigible plums. We have some at home that are quite lovely.” Luna gave a soft smile towards Neville over her copy of the Quibbler, her radish earrings twinkling in the sunlight.</p><p>“Suppose this whole year will be quite different than before. Lots of students coming back that didn’t go last year. Not to mention the change in curriculum,” Ginny says absently while still looking out the window. I turn towards her in confusion.</p><p>“Change in curriculum? What do you mean?”</p><p>“Ministry said they aren’t allowed to teach anything that’s considered harmful or corruptive. It was all over the <em>Prophet</em> over the summer. Didn’t you see it?” Ginny gives me a curious look, knowing I always read the <em>Daily Prophet.</em></p><p>“I couldn’t get it when I was in Australia. But why would the Ministry want that? It sounds like Umbridge all over again.”</p><p>“Its to adjust for all the students on probation. Don’t want any of them using magic that’s harmful. Serves them right but doesn’t seem fair to get rid of it all together,” Ginny says with a huff.</p><p>Of course they would have to make changes. I might’ve missed a lot over the summer but some news had still reached me. One of which was the decision made for the students who’d supported Voldemort. All of the students who had ties to him or known Death Eaters were given the choice of house arrest with no magic use for one year or return to finish school where they’d be on probation and watched closely. It seemed like an obvious choice.</p><p>“Luna we’d better go. We’ve got a meeting with all the prefects. Got to tell them to patrol the cars. Shouldn’t take too long though. I’ll be back in a bit.” Ginny stood and made her way to the door while Luna marked her spot in her newspaper before getting up. Ginny had been appointed Head Girl this year and Luna, a prefect. Professor McGonagall had first asked me if I’d be up for the position but I’d declined. Seemed silly to worry about students sneaking around with puking pastilles and love potions now. Besides I’ll need all the spare time I can get.</p><p>The train ride goes by quickly. Neville and I both pulled out books to read to pass the time. Ginny returned 30 minutes later and we’d talked about how her summer was with Harry. It was clear that Ginny was very much in love. Before I’d even realized it we were nearly to the station. An intense rush of panic runs through me. My palms start sweating and I feel my breaths getting shallower. The four of us pull out our robes from our trunks. While the other three exit to go change I rummage through my trunk. I feel my hand brush against a leather box. Pulling it out, I open it to find the desired bottle. Hiding it into the folds of my robes I put the box back in the trunk and turn to go change.</p><p>I look at my reflection in the mirror in the washroom. My makeup is still in place looking slightly cakey but much better than without. My hair is down in its curls with one pin holding back the front few locks. My robes are slightly loose but still look neat on me. I look exactly as I should. If only I felt as good on the inside. I feel a strong wave of nausea and glance at the toilet for a second. I feel my breaths becoming shallower. I can’t do this. I can’t walk back into that school and act like everything’s fine. I can’t fake it. Not without help. My hand clenches hard on the small bottle in my hand. A small voice in the back of my mind tells me it’s the only way I’ll make it through this. Besides I’ve used it enough already this summer to know it’s perfectly safe.</p><p>Without another thought I uncork the bottle and take a long sip. It goes down smoothly with the familiar flavor of chamomile. Before the potion has even made its way down my throat I feel my anxiety calm. Its still there slightly but muted. Almost like having the TV on but moving into the next room and closing the door. The sound is still there but you can’t really distinguish it. I look back at my reflection. My shoulders are relaxed and I don’t look nearly as panicked. I think I look significantly better now. A much better mask than the makeup I’m wearing. Its only when I look into my eyes that I see the dullness behind them. All the emotion has been drained away leaving a unnerving void.</p><p>The train comes to a jolting stop. Shaking my head I move to exit stopping for one more glance at my chilling eyes and silently hope no one will notice.</p>
<hr/><p>I join Ginny, Neville, and Luna on the platform and we shuffle our way down with the crowd towards the carriages. Seeing the thestrals gives me a small surprise. I still don’t feel accustomed to seeing them. Looking around though it seems a lot of the older students are getting their first real look at them.</p><p>We climb into one of the carriages and it immediately starts moving. I know the other three are talking but the effects of the draught have me spacing out of the conversation.</p><p>We eventually come to a stop and all clamber out. Looking up at the castle, a sharp gasp escapes my mouth. It looks the exact same as it has every year on the first of September. The windows are lit up by about a million candles that give off enough light to see that all the damage has been repair to its former glory. No rubble across the courtyards, no walls blasted away, all the windows are intact. Its beautiful but still feels wrong. Almost like it’s trying to cover up what really happened here. I know I should’ve expected it. They obviously weren’t going to leave the school in ruin but I can’t shake the feeling that its somehow sweeping everything that happened just a few months ago under the rug.</p><p>I feel a hand reach down and hold mine. I look to see its owner and see Ginny with tears in her eyes. “I think Fred would be happy. Hogwarts being just like it’s always been for us and will be for everyone after us.”</p><p>I hadn’t even thought about it like that. Maybe all the repairs are more of a tribute to them. Knowing that they sacrificed so we could keep going and have life back as it should be. It’s a wonderful thought but it all feels too soon to be putting it in the past.</p><p>Hand in hand, we continue walking up towards the castle. Our palms are sweating and as we enter the Entrance Hall I’m scared the tight grips we both have will result in one of us breaking a finger. Everything has been returned to its original order. The Grand Staircase is pristine. The pillars displaying the house points are gleaming and all around the walls, figures move to greet us back. As we’re turning into the Great Hall I catch a glimmer out of my eye but don’t have the chance to investigate it.</p><p>Somehow still to my surprise, the Great Hall is also perfectly set for the occasion with the house tables set ready for students and food to appear. I look towards the front of the hall where Professor McGonagall sits in the Headmasters chair chatting with Professor Sprout but I can tell she’s keeping an eye on us as we enter. I notice a few new professors. Hagrid sees me and gives me a wave. I wave back and he turns to resume his conversation with the professor beside him. I do a double take. Bill Weasley is sitting at the Head table. He sees Ginny and I and gives a big smile.</p><p>“Why didn’t anyone tell me Bill is a professor?”</p><p>“He asked us to keep it quiet. Been keeping it to himself a while. Him and Fleur weren’t sure if it was a good idea right now since she’s pregnant. I honestly thought he might back out last minute,” Ginny says with a shrug. I guess I get his apprehension. I’m sure he was also nervous about how some of the students would react to his appearance. Then again we’ve all got scars now, don’t we?</p><p>We find seats and I see some more familiar faces. Dean Thomas has returned this year and is chatting up Romilda Vane. Further down the table I see Dennis Creevey and my heart sinks a little. I turn away and notice a large group that’s walking in, almost all Slytherins. Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, and Theodore Nott all walk in together and make a beeline straight for the Slytherin table, they’re eyes never straying from their destination. They all look annoyed and with maybe a hint of nervousness. The last two people enter the Great Hall. All I see is the unmistakable platinum blonde hair and I’m wishing my draught had been stronger. I knew it was going to be strange being back here with students who’d been on the wrong side of the war but I’d never expected Draco Malfoy to be returning until I see him being escorted in by Filch. It’s unnerving and has me already questioning my decision to return.</p><p>“Everyone on the probation list had to be searched. Guess Malfoy was double checked from the look of him,” Ginny leans over and whispers in my ear while my eyes follow Malfoy across the room. He looks slightly better than the last time I saw him, which was in the middle of battle so that’s not saying much. Still I’m sure anything’s an improvement from having Voldemort living in your house. He’s no longer wearing his black suits that I’d become accustomed to but instead is back in his Slytherin robes. His hair is slicked to the side as usual but he’s started to grow it out a bit longer than before. As he walks toward the rest of his group everything about his appearance displays control. His face looks almost emotionless but as someone who’s kept tabs on him a long time I can tell there’s something bubbling beneath the surface.</p><p>Before I can spend anymore time dwelling on Malfoy’s wellbeing, not like I want to anyway, Professor Flitwick enters followed by all of the first years. I feel myself dazing out from the draught as the Sorting Hat sings his song and the students are sorted. By the time I’m focused again Professor McGonagall is standing up to speak.</p><p>“Welcome new students to Hogwarts and for returning students welcome back. I have a few announcements to make but I don’t see why that can’t wait until after we’ve all been fed.” With a clap of her hands and signature small smile, all of the empty plates along the large 5 tables are filled at once. Noise erupted immediately throughout the hall as everyone piled plates high with food. I make an effort to put some roasted chicken and potatoes on my plate but it goes mostly untouched as I talk with Ginny about what to expect in Bill’s classes this year. You never realize how long it takes people to eat until you’ve got no appetite yourself. Eventually everyone’s finished their desert and with another quiet clap of McGonagall’s hands all the plates clear. Our attention moves back to our Headmaster as she stands in front of the podium.</p><p>“This year myself, as your new Headmaster and the staff all intend to return Hogwarts to its glory and acclaim that we have had for centuries. I would like to thank those students who fought alongside us last year to protect not only our school but also the entire wizarding world. The Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts are working together to put forth changes that will benefit all students well being. I know many of you have experienced great losses the past few years. We’ve agreed that it will be necessary for every student to have at least three meetings with our new advisor Healer Barley and additional meetings will be scheduled if needed. Please speak to your Head of House if you have any questions. We also have changes in our curriculum. The Ministry has mandated that any magic that is deemed too dangerous for either yourself or those around you will be prohibited both in and outside of classes. The full list of prohibited magic can be found posted in your common rooms. We also have new staff members joining us. Professor Crawley will be our new Transfiguration professor and Professor Weasley will be our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I’m sure you will welcome them warmly. Lastly I would like to make one final remark before our term officially begins. Our community suffered many losses in the past few years but we have prevailed and the war is won. We are no longer on opposing sides and it would do all of you well to remember that. Goodnight.”</p><p>Everyone remains still, all mulling over Professor McGonagall’s last few words. I peer over towards the Slytherin table and notice the general discomfort amongst them. I’m sure many of them were dreading coming back this year knowing there’d be a lot of students who’d still hate them for their involvements in the war. My gaze lands on Malfoy. He looks just as rigid as when we walked in, maybe even more so. He’s surveying the room almost as if he’s looking to see if McGonagall’s words were taken to heart when our eyes lock. I don’t look away immediately like I should, I hold the gaze for a second. He watches me closely, like he’s trying to guess my train of thought. I’ve never seen Malfoy look at me like this. Normally he’s sneering whenever we’re even near each other. As the thought crosses my mind a flicker of some emotion quickly flashes across his face. With a word to his friends he finally breaks and looks away. They all get up together and leave without a second glance.</p><p>“You ready?” Ginny asks me as she gets up herself. With a nod I join her. Ginny makes her way in front of the crowd and begins instructing the Gryffindor first years to follow her. I fall behind to allow them to keep up. As I walk out of the hall my eyes catch again on the glimmer and find the source on the opposite side of the Entrance Hall. My muggy brain struggles to comprehend what it is as I make my way closer towards it but once halfway across the hall I realize it’s a plaque made of pure gold, my guess being goblin made.</p><p>‘In Honor of the Great Sacrifices made by the brave souls during the Battle of Hogwarts on May 2, 1998’ At least a hundred names are etched into the gold. I searched for the names of the ones I cannot forget. The ones whose faces I picture everyday. Most of them are there. Some however, never had the chance to fight the final battle but I think of them too just the same. At the bottom there’s another inscription. ‘May every witch and wizard that walk these halls be thankful for you.’</p><p>I don’t notice the tears until they’re dripping down my face. It’s hardly anything. Just a sign and nothing will ever feel like enough. But it’s something. Something to prove that all the imagines in my head actually happened here. That I’m not the only one who remembers.</p><p>“Who would’ve thought Fred would be commemorated in Hogwarts for something other than his record breaking detentions?”<br/>
I quickly wipe my tears away as I turn to look at Bill. He looks much better than the last time I saw him at Shell Cottage.</p><p>“Congratulations Professor. You’ll be brilliant.” I manage a small smile but I know my eyes are still red.</p><p>“Thanks Hermione. To be honest I’m a bit nervous, not exactly an easy post considering.” His voice trails off at the end. I guess its not going to be easy to teach defensive spells when half the students have had to use them to save their own lives and the other half know of the dangers in our world but don’t know enough yet to protect themselves. I try to think of something helpful to say but come up empty.</p><p>“How are Fleur and the baby doing? She’s ok with you being away from home?” Not exactly the smoothest transition but my brain is filled with memories of former Defense Professors, most of whom, are now dead.</p><p>“They’re good. She wasn’t too happy about me taking the position but after losing my job at Gringotts we need the money. I’ve arranged it with McGonagall so I should be able to apparate home most nights.” I give an apologetic look at his words. I guess we should’ve known he’d lose his job after his own brother broke into the most secure bank in the world.</p><p>“No worries. Never liked working with goblins anyway.” Looking up at him, I know there are no hard feelings. Even with his face covered in scars he still has a warmth to him.</p><p>“Hermione, I’m here if you ever need anything. Its not easy for any of us to be back so if you ever want to talk.” For the second time today a Weasley is comforting me, whether I deserve it or not.</p><p>“Thanks, Professor,” I say lightheartedly so he knows I’m ok.</p><p>We both say goodnight to each other and head in opposite directions with another look at the memorial. By the time I make it to the common room everyone has settled in to discuss whatever summer stories weren’t told on the train. Without a second glance I make my way up to my dormitory. Normally I’d spend an hour putting all my belongs away neatly and have everything set for the whole term but all I can muster to do is pull out a set of robes for tomorrow and the books I’ll need before changing into my pajamas. No ones come up yet when I crawl into my four-poster bed. My head has barely hit the pillow when the imagines of my dreams last night come back to the forefront of my mind. I can’t have another night like that. Especially not when I’m back here where it’ll only get worse. I jump out of bed and rummage through my trunk until I find the vial I need.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope everyones enjoying so far. I realized I didn't add any notes in the first chapter. This is my first fic so I'm still getting my bearings. Comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism are always welcome. I've got a lot of ideas for this story so far just haven't put them all on paper yet so I'm sure it'll take me a while to do updates. Anyway thanks for reading!!</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes me forever to wake up, eyelids still heavy from the sleeping draught. Once I finally do it takes me another minute to register my surroundings and realize I’m back lying in my bed at school. I try to remember the dream I’d been having. The only thing I can remember is the still grey skies. Something about the steely grey is familiar but I can’t place why. I try harder to remember more details. I’d been near the sea, but not like the beach at Shell Cottage. This place didn’t have any of the soft sand or gentle waves. Instead there’d been rocky cliffs and pounding waves against the bluffs. The sun had been shining so brightly it was blinding. The wind whipping so hard I’d hardly been able to stand. It picked up even more until I had to lean against a boulder to keep my balance. Then without warning the wind had stopped. The skies above me had become overtaken by clouds, no longer the clear blue, but instead a rich steel grey. A rush of warmth surrounds me as I look down at the water, which has calmed. <em>None of it makes any sense</em>, I think as I look back up at the beautiful sky. But then the warmth becomes clearer, I feel my body twisting in my bed sheets. I faintly hear the sounds of birds outside the window. And then I’m awake.</p>
<p>As I gather my thoughts I realize no one else is still in the dormitory. I glance over at the clock beside my bed and see why. <em>Shit.</em> I’ve slept through breakfast and only have 7 minutes before my first class. I scramble out of bed and rush to throw on my robes. I stumble all over the place as my body tries to catch up with my brain. I manage to get dressed and out of the dormitory in only a few minutes and think I might have a chance at not being late until I look down at my schedule and realize I have to be all the way down in the dungeons in 2 minutes.</p>
<p>By the time I walk into Potions class I’m 8 minutes late and Professor Slughorn is in the middle of telling the class all about his adventures during summer break.</p>
<p>“Ms. Granger, I was beginning to worry. Not like you to be late, and on the first day.” The disappointment in his voice fills me with both guilt and irritation.</p>
<p>“Sorry Professor,” I look at him briefly before I sweep my gaze across the room looking for an empty seat. I notice the only empty seat just a few feet away at the very back of the classroom.</p>
<p><em>Strange. Normally the back of the room fills up first. </em>I’m slightly disappointed since I prefer being close to the front but I guess that’s what happens when you’re late. I make my way towards the seat and begin pulling out my Potions book and cauldron as Professor Slughorn resumes his story.</p>
<p>“Never thought I’d see the day when you’re late to class.” His voice halts my movements and has me look up towards my left to realize why this was the only empty seat left. Malfoy continues to look straight ahead appearing to pay attention to Slughorn. Only his trademark smirk gives him away.</p>
<p>“Not that it’s any of your business but I overslept. I’d say one tardy in seven years is more than acceptable.” I mean for it to come out strong and aloof but instead I sound like I’m trying too hard. Now that I’m looking at him its hard to look away. His features have become more mature. His platinum hair is slicked neatly to the side just like its been since sixth year. His jaw line has become more defined as he’s lost his childhood softness. Even his silhouette seems to have changed from the lanky frame I’d become accustomed to. Now while still tall and thin, there’s clearly some muscle beneath his robes. Only when my eyes connect with his do I realize I’m starring at him with no inhabitations. I feel my cheeks flush but I can’t seem to look away. His stormy irises have me in a trance. There’s something so familiar about them but I can’t place it, almost like a puzzle piece that just won’t seem to fit. I realize he’s searching my eyes for something too.</p>
<p>“You overslept?” He continues to search my face, brow furrowed. I feel myself closing up. Whatever he’s searching for on my face I refuse to let him find.</p>
<p>“That’s what I said. Its nothing.” I turn my attention back to Slughorn to make clear all conversation is over. From the corner of my eye I see him follow suit and the same rigidness I’d seen last night returns. He’s putting his walls up too.</p>
<p>After the first 15 minutes of class are spent listening to Professor Slughorn tell more stories about his exciting summer visiting famous acquaintances he finally puts us to work with what he thinks will be a fun potion for our first day back, Energy Elixir, meant for substituting sleep. Its usefulness had me excited about getting started until I looked down at my textbooks and saw the instructions were almost ten pages long. Clearly Potions was going to be much more difficult this year.</p>
<p>I get the ingredients from the cabinet and get started. Malfoy doesn’t give me a second glance and works silently beside me, which honestly, makes me feel relieved. I tried to remain focused on the instructions but I find myself hyperaware of Malfoy’s movements beside me. With half an hour left in the class four people have already had to empty their cauldrons and start over. My hair had started getting frizzy from the fumes until I tied them up in a messy ponytail. I read and reread the instructions before each step but my brain still feels fuzzy from the sleeping draught. <em>This batch has too much grogginess too it. Better try and fix that next time. </em>As I pour over my textbook and chew on my lip in stress I have a small peek at Malfoy’s potion. The warm honey color and coffee smell emanating from it tells me its practically perfect. His pale hand stirs it while reviewing the instructions, too focused to notice my attention on him. It’s only when a burnt smell registers in my foggy brain that I look down at my own cauldron. The once caramel potion is now darkening quickly. I scramble to try and move to the next step. A small puff of smoke comes out as I flip amongst the pages.</p>
<p>“Merlin, Granger.” I look up to see Malfoy hovering over my cauldron before looking at me. For a split second he seems conflicted. Then with quick resolve he looks away and begins adding ingredients to my cauldron, completely focused again.</p>
<p>“Just keep stirring mine counterclockwise and clockwise on the eighth stir,” his voice his clipped but I don’t question him. I switch to his side of the table and resume his stirring, counting with every rotation to try and not mess up his hard work. I don’t say anything, fearing it’ll destroy whatever is driving him to help me of all people. His speedy work has my potion’s quality improving rapidly. A glance up at Slughorn tells me he’s been too concerned with talking to a Ravenclaw in the second row to notice our switch.</p>
<p><em>Why is he helping me? Why am I even letting him? </em>I’ve always hated cheating. Even lending my copies of notes and homework to Harry and Ron the past 6 years would grate on my nerves. Now here I am letting <em>Draco Malfoy </em>of all people fix my potion while the Professors back is turned. If I hadn’t seen it improve, I’d think he was trying to sabotage my potion. Professor Slughorn calling time interrupts my internal struggle. Looking down at the cauldron in front of me it seems I didn’t ruin Malfoy’s hard work. As I’m assessing it I feel Malfoy’s hand wrap around my arm and pull me back into my seat. My brain takes a second too long to register the movement and I stumble against the table. The sound of me tripping interrupts Slughorn moving towards the front desk.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we start in the back with Ms. Granger. No doubt you’ll have managed this elixir with ease.” As he approaches I feel my stomach slowly drop. I don’t know what’s worse; getting caught cheating or getting away with it.</p>
<p>Panic itches its way up my spine but I train my eyes down at my cauldron.</p>
<p>“Well I must say Ms. Granger, I expected a little more from you. You’ve managed to get a modest potion here but not quite the result I would’ve hoped for. Suppose you’re a bit out of practice. Still, not too bad for your first day back.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Professor,” I respond automatically. I don’t look up at him in fear of giving myself away. He doesn’t spend too much time inspecting my cauldron before moving on. I exhale the breath I’d been holding as he assesses Malfoy’s cauldron.</p>
<p>“Ah Mr. Malfoy. I’ve heard you’ve become quite the Potions master. Seems the rumors are true.” I wait to hear a smug reply but instead there’s silence. I look up at him in surprise. Normally right now he’d be gloating and gushing to a professor about his success. Never would I expect him to keep a stoic expression while receiving a compliment.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you stop by my office after your lessons today.” His words send another wave of panic through me before I register the promising smile on Slughorn’s face. Surely if he knew we’d cheated he’d want to speak to both of us right? Malfoy gives him curt nod in response as Slughorn continues down the aisle to finish grading the class.</p>
<p>“Breathe, Granger. He doesn’t suspect anything.” His mocking tone is almost comforting, something I’m much more accustomed to than his recent act of generosity.</p>
<p>Slughorn dismisses the class, everyone shuffles to empty their cauldrons and leave for their next class. As I empty my own cauldron I can’t help but feel disappointment from failing to produce a perfect potion. It would’ve been a useful potion to have on hand in a pinch. Unwillingly, I look over to see if Malfoy’s emptied his own work yet. It’s still bubbling away in the cauldron as he cleans up his side of the table. I begin putting my books away when he walks towards the cabinets to return his extra ingredients. With a look around the room I point my wand in my bag.</p>
<p>“Accio empty vial.” I grab it while checking to make sure Malfoy still has his back towards me. I fill and cork it as fast as I can. Malfoy returns just as I slip it in my robes outer pocket.</p>
<p>“Are we going to talk about what just happened?” I don’t even know why I say it. I’m sure without a doubt it’d be better left unsaid but I have to know what made him want to help me. I turn towards him ready for a fight, crossing my arms over my chest to let him know I don’t intend to dance around the subject. He taps his wand to the rim of the cauldron, vanishing the potion, while avoiding my gaze.</p>
<p>“No, we’re not. Consider it my annual selfless act and forget it ever happened.” He hastily shoves the rest of his belongings in his satchel and moves towards the door. I do the same and race out the door to catch up with him. He’s already halfway down the corridor but I’m right behind him quickly.</p>
<p>“Malfoy!” I grab at his forearm to try and stop him. He jerks his arm out my grasp immediately with a hiss. He turns towards me with an icy stare, nostrils flaring and jaw clenched.</p>
<p>“Granger. If you have any concept of self-preservation I suggest you obliviate this whole thing from your mind before I do it for you.” I don’t let the threat deter me as I probe him again.</p>
<p>“Why would you of all people help me? You hate me. You’ve insulted me every chance you’ve gotten since we were 11. Is this part of your rehab program? Befriend a mudblood?” I never talk like this. Snarky and challenging but it feels so good to let it out. I watch the surprise of my words cross his face. I might be making it up but I swear I even see a small smile before it disappears behind his cold masquerade.</p>
<p>“Hardly. I was doing us both a favor back there.” He turns to continue walking away from me but I follow right behind him. Instinctually my hand reaches out to pull him back again but I think better of it and latch onto his robes. Out of the corner of his eye he looks down at my hand before looking back at me. I try not to let the glare shake my resolve.</p>
<p>“You’ve never done anyone a favor before unless it’s in your best interest. How is helping me pass Potions going to help you?” For a moment it’s chocolate brown clashing with steel grey, neither one backing down. With a firm hand around my arm he pulls me into an empty alcove. My back hits the wall hard. I try to regain my composure but Malfoy’s hovering just a few inches away from me. I can smell the peppermint from his toothpaste, the cedar scent of his cologne. I can see the slight stubble on his chin. I notice the soft pink shade of his lips before I pull myself together and meet his gaze. He looks at me like I’m prey, ready to sink his teeth into me any second.</p>
<p>“You never give up do you? I should know by now you never fucking listen.” I can’t tell if he’s irritated or amused. His express could read either. The way his eyes rake down my face towards my throat makes my skin crawl. I try to pull his attention back towards my face by jutting my chin out in defiance while my hand reaches towards my wand.</p>
<p>“Going to jinx me? That’s not the Gryffindor I know. Not very brave to fight someone who could be put in Azkaban for looking at someone wrong.” My breath catches as his hand covers mine and pulls my fingers loose from their grasp on my wand.</p>
<p>I try to find words but struggle as my throat becomes dry. I press my body harder against the wall, attempting to put more space between us. I take a few deep breaths to focus my mind but the smell of him only makes it more muddled.</p>
<p>“If you’d failed abysmally in class like you were well on your way to, Slughorn would’ve questioned you and realized you’re not exactly ‘clear headed’. He knows exactly how I spent last year and would quickly guess that I supplied you with whatever draughts you’re taking. I’d be expelled without a second thought. So do me a favor and get your shit together. For both our sakes.”</p>
<p>He pulls away but before he rounds the corner glances back at me. I’m still struggling to piece together all the implications of what he’s just said while sagging against the wall.</p>
<p>“Oh, and I think its best if I hold onto this,” he says with his signature smirk while holding the vial of Energy Elixir between his fingers. A sharp gasp escapes my lips as I fumble to feel my robe pockets, only to realize my wands in its place. I let out a frustrated huff as he turns and leaves me to piece together how I haven’t been back at school for a day and already in hot water.</p>
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